Updated February 2004

These, unfortunately, are my friends. They have good sides, and bad sides, and ugly sides, but they are friends none the less. I'm guessing if you're a casual viewer you could really care less, so you're probably here to find out if you're my friend or not. Don't count on it.

Le Americanos

Gabe a.k.a. "Smegma"

He's not really an American, he's Swedish, and he's in Sweden. What does Sweden have, you might ask, that America does not? Disregarding the usual answer of culture, history, thin women and good hockey, we come upon the usual, a woman. That's right, the only reason Gabe is back in Sweden is to get some nookie. Nuff' said. His website.

Motto: "I'm a little weenie girl that doesn't want to go out."

Chris a.k.a. "M.F. CO"

This wanna be cowboy rooms with me. I know what you're asking, "are you guys gay?", no, at least not the last time I checked. Well actually, Chris might be gay. He seems to be fascinated with his own ass. If you could sell hair grease, he'd be a millionaire.

Motto: "OH GOD!! Has anyone seen my ASS!! I lost my ASS!!"

Steve a.k.a. "Wal-Mart"

This peace loving non-activist Bush supporter loves Sam Walton.  In fact, if Tom was to ever argue Marx with Steve, the sure antidote would be some good quotes as to why Wal-Mart is superior to the Chinese economy.

Motto: "I'm a sellout corporate banker."

Brian a.k.a. "M.F. Bulldog"

Bulldog is a crazy mofo. The most hyper morning person you will ever meet. When I said "hey Bulldog, wanna be on my page" he just about shit in his pants. Well, he probably did. He may have a hairy palm, but man that is the only activity that will level him out for a while. Imagine a guy smokin' crack and then taking some amphetamines to pick him up, that's what I call the Bulldog!

Motto: "Mutha f**kin BULLLDDOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! YEAH!!!!"

Bart a.k.a. "Tic-Toc"

Let me tell you, this guy is nothin' but trouble. I've know Bart for about ten years now, and all he does is get busted for one thing after another. First at ISU, a school I might mention NO ONE gets kicked out of, except Bart. It had something to do with a coffee pot and some grass seed, I think. Bart is no longer under house arrest, and is supposedly getting some play 'cause he got a new cell phone. His parents found him planting California Senzemia under his car seat, what's that about?

Motto: "It don't matter, just don't bite it"

Joe a.k.a. "Italian Stallion"

This is Joey, the Italian Stallion. Now Joey used to roam around, and up to a recent time was considered a stud among mere mortals. Currently of course he's nothing but a round ball of fat. But be afraid, be very afraid ladies, for the stallion shall one day once again roam and conquer, eh, probably not.

Motto: "I'm gonna kick your ass for callin' me a 'round ball of fat'."

Dan a.k.a. "Nisbitch"

Dan wouldn't give me his picture, but for all you ladies, Dan has the body of Sean Connery, the wit of a rich frat boy and the hair of a snake.

Motto: "You suck for sayin' that shit Luke" 

Dan a.k.a. "Muffareno"

This Dan differs from the previous Dan in that he is moodier, has hair, has a girlfriend, has a car (BMW no less), um, I guess that's about it.

Motto: "I play football for Purdue, no joke"

Pawel a.k.a. "Playstation anyone?"

Pawel was like many of us at one time, well not really. He was always apt to get you beaten up at a bar 'cause he couldn't shut his mouth, and he was always insane. Now he's all that and extremely paranoid. Pawel idolizes greats such as Jim Morrison, Scott Wyland, and John Denver. He doesn't want to be just like 'em, just the music part.

Motto: "What Playstation?"

Pawel a.k.a. "Siekiera"

This guy, man what can I say. Hey Siekiera, workin' at Cannon huh? I could tell, cause you're on the web. Anyways, Siekiera is quite the existentialist, as he says it "I don't give a f**k". Damn, I just gave away the motto. Ladies, Siekiera is now unavailable. That's what we have in common (check out my ex-girlfriends page).

Motto: "Where's my playstation?"

Tom a.k.a. Gruby

Tom parties and drinks, and he's going bald but can't admit it. He just got dumped by a smokin' babe so he's on the rebound babes.  Oh, she got knocked up and has a kid, no loss Gruby.

Motto: "Kurwa, pijemy?"

Piotrek a.k.a. "Olej"

This is my best-friend in Poland. Pete is a heck of a guy, he loves that Local H jive. Pete can outdrink any person in the world. A certain someone with a guy named Chris both got carried back from a bar by Pete, and Pete had collectively taken in more than both of them combined. I guess all you have to do is train.

motto: 'trenning czyni misztrza"

Mariano a.k.a. "The Godfather"

I was yelled at for taking this picture, and rightfully so. I mean the man lives in the shadows of the underworld, meaning he owns a pizzeria. Mariano can get you anything. All he asks is that no one knows about it. that's why I won't tell you about the time he set me up with a Mercedes for $2,000.

Motto: "You didn't see me, you didn't hear me, I don't exist"